Where do I even start with this?
It's disturbing, heartfelt, emotional, yet intelligent, and probably one of the most difficult to read books that I have ever picked up. For the first few pages, I seriously considered not pushing on with it, but then slowly I felt myself getting sucked in to the narrative, and once I was fully immersed in the story there was no getting out.
At seven hundred and twenty closely typed pages, this book is a commitment, and in some ways this reflects the life of the characters. Central to everything is Jude St Francis, who was found in a rubbish bag as a new born baby and then raised in an orphanage run by Catholic monks. His experiences as a child are nothing short of horrific, but somehow this is not just another one of those misery novels where all suffering is gratuitous and written in the cause of making money. Hanya Yanagihara delves so deeply into the psychological impact of long-term trauma that I feel certain that the motive for writing is higher than just financial gain.
Throughout Jude's, life he is offered opportunities by kind people that allow him to make progress with education and then a career in law, but the effects of deep physical and mental trauma are always present, and pain and suffering persists. He has three friends from college who form his life-long support group, but no matter how close they become, he never wants to reveal his traumatic past for fear that they would all walk away from him in disgust. He is clever, and his friends respect and love him, but they feel shut out from him as he never trusts them enough to share anything personal with them.
The three friends know that bad things have happened to Jude, and that is physically evident in the way he suffers seizures bought on by pain, and the way he sometimes has difficulty in walking. The friends are always there to support him but, and although Jude is grateful, he is wary of becoming too dependent and finds himself treating them badly just to keep them a little distant. As the book progresses, the author explores what it means to have a friend who is so emotionally damaged, and how hard it is to make excuses for Jude's difficult behaviour. Sometimes that becomes impossible and there are times when the group feels the strain, then there are silences and divisions that split the friends and that leads to guilt and blame from all sides.
Despite this book being such a hard read, I do feel that I have learnt something from it as it forces the reader to confront aspects of trauma that are usually hidden from daily life. The theme is that of suffering, but with the acts of kindness it is clear that love can be demonstrated in so many ways, and love should continue even when a harmed individual does not appear to deserve it.
I wouldn't hand this book to a teenager or anyone who is feeing vulnerable, but it is memorable and I know I won't forget Jude St. Francis.
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